I doubt because I fear, is that normal? Ehe
Maybe because the feelings growing. Like, I’m really starting to like like like you.
When we were friends, you’ve been telling me how much you love her. And it was like, nothing would ever break that. And then you suddenly liked someone else.
yes, its fear, that one day, you would stop liking, stop loving. And its really frustrating just by thinking about it, what more if that would actually happen?
But I have to mean what I‘ve been telling you. I’ve been praying for this so I guess there is no more reason to doubt.
I trust you
Saturday, July 25, 2009
confessions to options
There are soo many things to blog, but why is is soo hard for me to type. Right now, ive been ctrl-a-delete’ng over and over. I just don’t have the rightful words to say. (backspace, backspace, backspace)
(again I cant start this)
It’s too early but, I feel like I really like him already. This has to be oppressive. It’s so fast. Maybe because I thought, everything’s gonna be fine but why is this sitx till hard to get over? She said she’s ok with it, but I should have thought of the fact that before, how much she loved him. I mean, who would get over it that fast? Should’ve should’ve. Argh !! like now, I can imagine her thinking about it, like she’s crying and all, ah!!
I had one option, and I thought it was the only one I have until I prayed.
I cant just stop liking him, coz its not fair, and I guess that would be so hard.
And I should give her time. Helping her to forget her feelings for him is the only option. It may sound bad to other people by I wont care. I’ll only stop liking him if she asks me to do that.
She will always be my bestfriend. Always !!
(again I cant start this)
It’s too early but, I feel like I really like him already. This has to be oppressive. It’s so fast. Maybe because I thought, everything’s gonna be fine but why is this sitx till hard to get over? She said she’s ok with it, but I should have thought of the fact that before, how much she loved him. I mean, who would get over it that fast? Should’ve should’ve. Argh !! like now, I can imagine her thinking about it, like she’s crying and all, ah!!
I had one option, and I thought it was the only one I have until I prayed.
I cant just stop liking him, coz its not fair, and I guess that would be so hard.
And I should give her time. Helping her to forget her feelings for him is the only option. It may sound bad to other people by I wont care. I’ll only stop liking him if she asks me to do that.
She will always be my bestfriend. Always !!
jakarl = ?
I don’t blame you for anything. And again! I’m sorry, and I don’t mean what I said that night. It’s not fair I know. Well, I guess you’re right about some things, I don’t know how to . . . , and it’s true that I have to think of things that have to be prioritized. You said it yourself; you’re not sure if you still love me, so why do kept on insisting yourself? I know it sounds rude but this has to come to end.
And again, you’re saying goodbye?! And then what? Text me after a week? You know, what you’re doing isn’t really necessary, why say goodbye when we can be friends nmn? Ugh !!
All I want to say is sorry, and I want you to understand that
jakarl= friends, just friends
And again, you’re saying goodbye?! And then what? Text me after a week? You know, what you’re doing isn’t really necessary, why say goodbye when we can be friends nmn? Ugh !!
All I want to say is sorry, and I want you to understand that
jakarl= friends, just friends
the LOVEly haircut
Hanelii wont like this entry hehehe
The haircut is fr now cancelled
Some1 told me, there are reasons behind the girls’ haircuts. Not just because they wanted to look good or whatever, uhmuhm
1st is, they have been experiencing or have experienced heart break/ love problems
2nd, they are soo in love
Ill go 2nd hehe. I had bangs when there was rj, i trimmed my hair when I fell for jume. And I had shorter bangs for karl.
And now, actually dapat next week. I wanted to try a new haircut (pero long parin). I’m not very girly but this one’s really something for me hahaha
Ahh, reason? Well, I like him. But there are soo much more to consider. Ugh, can’t be elaborative fr now. Next entry n lng hehe.
The haircut is fr now cancelled
Some1 told me, there are reasons behind the girls’ haircuts. Not just because they wanted to look good or whatever, uhmuhm
1st is, they have been experiencing or have experienced heart break/ love problems
2nd, they are soo in love
Ill go 2nd hehe. I had bangs when there was rj, i trimmed my hair when I fell for jume. And I had shorter bangs for karl.
And now, actually dapat next week. I wanted to try a new haircut (pero long parin). I’m not very girly but this one’s really something for me hahaha
Ahh, reason? Well, I like him. But there are soo much more to consider. Ugh, can’t be elaborative fr now. Next entry n lng hehe.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
J lyks J, but J luvs A
What happened was never expected. I never thought he would like me, the way he’s telling me now. I never wanted to believe that, but, the feeling’s growing and I can’t help it.
I love HER soo much like my own sister. And I know she feels the same way. But the point is, some things are not meant to happen. But I won’t let her go.
Confession. . . ::
Before, uhm well, its really something “romantic”, how we met. Me and the guy. Soo uhh before, I really did like him. But the problem was, he’s too far away. I don’t know if he felt the same way, but it’s true, before I fell for someone else. He was really someone for me, though I haven’t seen him personally yet. (I just thought he was really different that’s why we got along with each other soo much). Before, its like, the day wont be complete if we won’t communicate (except for financial instances hehe). Well, that’s when I started liking him until someone gets on the way. I liked someone else and eventually he fell for someone also. So from then on, we became friends and I never imagined a day with him in a very different relationship, but just as friends.
I became soo close with his girlfriend. (Don’t ask what happened with me and the other guy hehe or guys XD). Anyway, we became soo close, as I was saying, to the point that we felt much more than friendship. It was a “sisterly” love hehe.
After me and the guy graduated (were batch mates). The guy moved to our town to study. They both had a hard time communicating, until one day; the guy broke up with my best friend. That was a very sad moment. I felt for her, I know how hurt she was with what he did. But at first I didn’t know the reason why he did that, and then he finally confessed . . . , to me. That I was the reasons of the break up.
I’m not really that type of person who gets serious about things, especially this. I mean this guy, I know him soo much, and all I know is he was just messing up with me, again. I DON’T WANT to believe what he said, but it was true, and now he’s convincing me.
And he’s not just convincing me. It felt like before, when I always anticipate when he texts me. Like before, when I’m so excited to see him. It all went back. That feeling . . . like, like, I’m starting to like him back. . .
But I can’t let this happen; I love my best friend more than I like him. If that would happen, things might not be the same. Worst things? She might think of me differently, she might hate me, she, she might leave me . . . and I don’t want that to happen
….
What should I do? Right now, all that’s in my mind is to withdraw.,
To my best friend, because I literally caused her pain but I just can’t, I love her. But the thing is, she loves me soo much, that I can’t replace.
To this guy, 1st because he’s helping me spiritually, 2nd not just me, even my friends, 3rd because he is one of my closest friends, 4th, well, I don’t think I can do that, I may not have the strength to avoid him, her, them
For now, I know God would help me with this
I mean I don’t really take this as a major problem or whatever, but I just hope, and Pray! Things would be ok and no one would get hurt with whatever would happen.
I just thank God for giving me such friends, such good friends
I should only speak of this once; I can’t talk this over with them both. Really, im not the serious type of person hehe. I just hope this would end soon. Though I don’t really know how haha
I love HER soo much like my own sister. And I know she feels the same way. But the point is, some things are not meant to happen. But I won’t let her go.
Confession. . . ::
Before, uhm well, its really something “romantic”, how we met. Me and the guy. Soo uhh before, I really did like him. But the problem was, he’s too far away. I don’t know if he felt the same way, but it’s true, before I fell for someone else. He was really someone for me, though I haven’t seen him personally yet. (I just thought he was really different that’s why we got along with each other soo much). Before, its like, the day wont be complete if we won’t communicate (except for financial instances hehe). Well, that’s when I started liking him until someone gets on the way. I liked someone else and eventually he fell for someone also. So from then on, we became friends and I never imagined a day with him in a very different relationship, but just as friends.
I became soo close with his girlfriend. (Don’t ask what happened with me and the other guy hehe or guys XD). Anyway, we became soo close, as I was saying, to the point that we felt much more than friendship. It was a “sisterly” love hehe.
After me and the guy graduated (were batch mates). The guy moved to our town to study. They both had a hard time communicating, until one day; the guy broke up with my best friend. That was a very sad moment. I felt for her, I know how hurt she was with what he did. But at first I didn’t know the reason why he did that, and then he finally confessed . . . , to me. That I was the reasons of the break up.
I’m not really that type of person who gets serious about things, especially this. I mean this guy, I know him soo much, and all I know is he was just messing up with me, again. I DON’T WANT to believe what he said, but it was true, and now he’s convincing me.
And he’s not just convincing me. It felt like before, when I always anticipate when he texts me. Like before, when I’m so excited to see him. It all went back. That feeling . . . like, like, I’m starting to like him back. . .
But I can’t let this happen; I love my best friend more than I like him. If that would happen, things might not be the same. Worst things? She might think of me differently, she might hate me, she, she might leave me . . . and I don’t want that to happen
….
What should I do? Right now, all that’s in my mind is to withdraw.,
To my best friend, because I literally caused her pain but I just can’t, I love her. But the thing is, she loves me soo much, that I can’t replace.
To this guy, 1st because he’s helping me spiritually, 2nd not just me, even my friends, 3rd because he is one of my closest friends, 4th, well, I don’t think I can do that, I may not have the strength to avoid him, her, them
For now, I know God would help me with this
I mean I don’t really take this as a major problem or whatever, but I just hope, and Pray! Things would be ok and no one would get hurt with whatever would happen.
I just thank God for giving me such friends, such good friends
I should only speak of this once; I can’t talk this over with them both. Really, im not the serious type of person hehe. I just hope this would end soon. Though I don’t really know how haha
Friday, June 19, 2009
help me i need Counseling :l
Its, weird, uhm uhm. Ahh! I don’t know how to start this!
Ishh. I don’t even know what to blog about, exactly. Well, its been a VERY busy week for me (its not even finish!). I just feel so. . ALONE!!
i feel so lonely. . and there are several reasons why I do.
1st., uhm, its not clear but I guess I MISS everyone !!
-my bestest best friend Nandry. I haven’t seen her since we got our year book last month., we’re in the same school nut I cant contact her
-my bff ate drii, well, we txt but not that much anymore, I miss the times we laugh, talk crazy. UGH I miss her!!
-classmates, all of them. I miss the scene when we’re all in the classroom. Kanina we had a quiz in history, grabe! It was soo clean! I was like imagining my high school class every time we cheat in our quizzes. Ugh!!!
-RJ, I bet his really busy about everything., I guess wala n xang tym para makinig sa drama ko., I’m starting to be not very open to him now, now that I know his situation. NAGAALALA DIN AKO SA H1N1! Hehe
-uhm, si Karl., I miss him but., a little different from the others. Uhm uhm. E w a n. I feel sad about him and I don’t know why. Parang may pinagsisisihan ako na hindi ko maexplain. And honestly, what I felt in the past, its almost coming back again. Im uhhh, like, uhh. I feel like I need him in some points of my life. Its weird buts it’s true. I mean, not like I need GOD or my family. It’s different. And I’m sad. . .coz maybe I feel like he gave up already., or should I say. . .nagsawa na xa.
-studies! Kahit n my friends na ako, and I think nakakapagaral nmn ako ng mabuti, mejo bumababa parin tingin ko sa sarili ko. There’s this voice telling me that I cant do it. they said, only few accountancy students pass so a lot would just shift to another course, wasting time and money. I don’t want to quit. But I feel like im becoming waker each day. Hayyy
- CHANGING REALITIES., maybe it is true, things change, people change. I remember one time RJ said, I shouldn’t try soo much on making myself responsible like every college student is. He didn’t say the reason but now I guess I can see it. I’m starting to be soo BORING. Like, I would rather stay home and read my books than go out with the family. Like, I want to be alone at all times and think of what do to. Maybe this “being responsible” thing isn’t the best for me. I am BORED of being BORING. And I hate myself for that.
No ones ever telling me about this yet but I can feel it myself. I am changing positively and negatively. I MISS MY OLD ME. I MISS EVRYTHING ABOUT ME BEFORE
Aaaaa!!
Ishh. I don’t even know what to blog about, exactly. Well, its been a VERY busy week for me (its not even finish!). I just feel so. . ALONE!!
i feel so lonely. . and there are several reasons why I do.
1st., uhm, its not clear but I guess I MISS everyone !!
-my bestest best friend Nandry. I haven’t seen her since we got our year book last month., we’re in the same school nut I cant contact her
-my bff ate drii, well, we txt but not that much anymore, I miss the times we laugh, talk crazy. UGH I miss her!!
-classmates, all of them. I miss the scene when we’re all in the classroom. Kanina we had a quiz in history, grabe! It was soo clean! I was like imagining my high school class every time we cheat in our quizzes. Ugh!!!
-RJ, I bet his really busy about everything., I guess wala n xang tym para makinig sa drama ko., I’m starting to be not very open to him now, now that I know his situation. NAGAALALA DIN AKO SA H1N1! Hehe
-uhm, si Karl., I miss him but., a little different from the others. Uhm uhm. E w a n. I feel sad about him and I don’t know why. Parang may pinagsisisihan ako na hindi ko maexplain. And honestly, what I felt in the past, its almost coming back again. Im uhhh, like, uhh. I feel like I need him in some points of my life. Its weird buts it’s true. I mean, not like I need GOD or my family. It’s different. And I’m sad. . .coz maybe I feel like he gave up already., or should I say. . .nagsawa na xa.
-studies! Kahit n my friends na ako, and I think nakakapagaral nmn ako ng mabuti, mejo bumababa parin tingin ko sa sarili ko. There’s this voice telling me that I cant do it. they said, only few accountancy students pass so a lot would just shift to another course, wasting time and money. I don’t want to quit. But I feel like im becoming waker each day. Hayyy
- CHANGING REALITIES., maybe it is true, things change, people change. I remember one time RJ said, I shouldn’t try soo much on making myself responsible like every college student is. He didn’t say the reason but now I guess I can see it. I’m starting to be soo BORING. Like, I would rather stay home and read my books than go out with the family. Like, I want to be alone at all times and think of what do to. Maybe this “being responsible” thing isn’t the best for me. I am BORED of being BORING. And I hate myself for that.
No ones ever telling me about this yet but I can feel it myself. I am changing positively and negatively. I MISS MY OLD ME. I MISS EVRYTHING ABOUT ME BEFORE
Aaaaa!!
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
first ay high!
weird weird weird
Well, I was, AS EXPECTED, L A T E !! in my first day in college haha. Fortunately, I arrived without the instructor yet hihi. That went well hehe
I was sited in the middle of the room with Steph and Let as my seatmates (and new friends hehe) they were nice really.
Well I cant blog about everything we did but all in all it was a good start for me (except for the fact that i still hate BIO and its my 1st subject for the week)
The instructors, look . . . fine, good, but I’m not sure if they're all nice. And I DONT expect they give high grades as my teachers in high school! hehe
soo, we finished our 1st 3 subjects. We were waiting for our FIL teacher. It was 15 mins yet she's still not there so some of us decided to go since our lunch break is just 30mins! But some did not so we waited for 15mins more. It was 12 noon already so we just went out not caring if others won’t. We looked for any place to eat outside (with my new friendS) hehehe
We came back 1pm for the next subject and then me and Let went out to meet Jakejake. We were together for our 3hrs break. we went in so many places hehe! That’s why we were late for the last subject! PE!
Guys from our block were separated from us. we arrived 30mins before the time haha! And there were certain punishment for late comers. it was to do an on-the-spot presentation. haha! Let sung and I kinda did some interpretative dance of her song! hahaha! it was soo humiliating! but they enjoyed it, same as the instructor so, it was fun, i think hehehe! soo much! for first day high!!!
Well, I was, AS EXPECTED, L A T E !! in my first day in college haha. Fortunately, I arrived without the instructor yet hihi. That went well hehe
I was sited in the middle of the room with Steph and Let as my seatmates (and new friends hehe) they were nice really.
Well I cant blog about everything we did but all in all it was a good start for me (except for the fact that i still hate BIO and its my 1st subject for the week)
The instructors, look . . . fine, good, but I’m not sure if they're all nice. And I DONT expect they give high grades as my teachers in high school! hehe
soo, we finished our 1st 3 subjects. We were waiting for our FIL teacher. It was 15 mins yet she's still not there so some of us decided to go since our lunch break is just 30mins! But some did not so we waited for 15mins more. It was 12 noon already so we just went out not caring if others won’t. We looked for any place to eat outside (with my new friendS) hehehe
We came back 1pm for the next subject and then me and Let went out to meet Jakejake. We were together for our 3hrs break. we went in so many places hehe! That’s why we were late for the last subject! PE!
Guys from our block were separated from us. we arrived 30mins before the time haha! And there were certain punishment for late comers. it was to do an on-the-spot presentation. haha! Let sung and I kinda did some interpretative dance of her song! hahaha! it was soo humiliating! but they enjoyed it, same as the instructor so, it was fun, i think hehehe! soo much! for first day high!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)